Er, ok, I'll give it a go - how's about...
Tools required: Torx wotsit and a teeny tiny Allen key for the grub screws (your dealer may or may not be able to tell you whether you have those). Apply a 1" square (or 25.4 mm square if you voted remain) piece of masking tape to each spoke of both wheels until every spoke has a "flag" you can write on. Don't be tempted to colour these in like various flags of the world, as it is both time consuming and you need to write on them later. Other types of tape may do, but please don't use Gorilla tape, as the Gorilla is an endangered species. Then, starting at the spoke nearest to the valve on the front wheel, number each spoke in a clockwise direction writing a unique number on each masking tape flag with a 'Sharpie' or similar (a pencil will do at a pinch). Give the first spoke the number F01, then move on to F02, and so on until all spokes are numbered. Now do the rear wheel, numbering the spokes R01, R02, etc, in a similar way to the front. Note: If you're unsure which is the rear wheel, it's the one at the back (although this may vary depending on which way you're facing - if you get stuck at this point, ask a responsible adult for help). Next, remove all the odd numbered spokes from both wheels, and keep them as spares or in case you want to put them back for, say, accident investigation purposes. A bag or box marked "spare spokes" and placed in a prominent position in your garage would make things easier for those accident investigation people later on. Both of your wheels are now lighter by 50% of the original spoke weight, which is beneficial to the handling from and unsprung weight perspective and should also increase acceleration and fuel economy.... right up until the wheels collapse as Darwin's natural selection thing kicks in. Disclaimer: the above would be a dangerous thing to do and the very idea of the procedure is absolute bollocks - it only appears here because Smogbob requested more precision after reading some earlier stupidity. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!! (Particularly if you're Smogbob).
Oh, and cast wheels would need a hacksaw adding to the tool list.