Tiny People And A Mystery Blonde - A Ride Report

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Plan was to stop in a B&B at a pub on <st1:place w:st="on">Anglesey</st1:place> on Thursday night so we could get the ferry at nine
The next morning from Holyhead. Left Nottingham at five.
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Found myself here on the way, had flash backs of karaoke and marker pens, didn't hang around for long....
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Past this Welsh loch on the A5 a little later....
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Time for an arty shot.......
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Found the pub about nine, <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Burton</st1:place></st1:city> had been playing Billy No Mates in the bar since four.
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A little later in the room he showed me how he had been tortured by two Welsh sheep farmers while he'd been waiting for me. It appears he'd been impolite about one of their best looking sheep.
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We did the ferry and the ride across <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Ireland</st1:place></st1:country-region> the next day. I got to the hotel on Achill a little earlier than <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Burton</st1:place></st1:city> due to him riding like a big girls blouse. His atire matched his riding style....
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We were met by some of the home team......
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The gaffer turned up with the lovely Lucy. Chris The Fat Twat had a photo of Tuned In which he kept showing around and asking if anyone had seen him.....
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Then the heavens opened......
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Friday evening early doors had to be done, just after four the rain stopped and people gathered to talk about how good my bike looked and how well my new Hairysnatch suit fitted me......
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The island was just a spit away.......
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A lone Achill Vulture soared high in the sky looking for easy pickings, the sick and the weak amongst us looked up in fear, it was going to be a long night.......
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As the sun set over the hills we retired to the bar, the midges were out and so was Melanie Cheeks, we were all a little apprehensive....
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A few of us wandered up the road to the villages other drinking establishment, a pool table being used by local chavs, a juke box playing Fat Boy Slim and perhaps the ugliest bar staff in Ireland didn't put us off....
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Not a lot of people know but Tuned In has the memory of a goldfish so when we got back to the hotel he was naturally surprised to see us again..........
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<o:p></o:p> The Foolish Fellow showed us how he holds onto the back of his KTM when he has to push it due to the chain falling off.........
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The night finished around four with a lot of G&T's and sweets. Not sure what the body oil was doing there?........
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The next day was a little blurry at first but by dinner things came into focus and i wandered off to Knock to see my MIL. At a bar down the road I spotted some German GSer's. I tried to tell them that there was a bunch of tossers up the road but they didn't seem keen...
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In Castlebar they've erected a monument to all the seagulls that got killed by whale fisherman being careless with their harpoons, a fine sentiment.......
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On my way back I stopped at the beach, no ice-cream van just a tattered old flag left by a forgetful semaphoreist.....
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The beech was full of very tiny people, I didn't dare go on it for fear of crushing them under my boots......
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At this end a seagull had taken revenge on the careless whalers by picking up all the tiny people and dropping them in the sea for whales to eat mistakenly for plankton.....
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I was starting to wonder about the quantity of Guinness I'd drank the evening before. Could it be affecting my sense of reality? My bike and the scenery looked real enough.......
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Back at the ranch I found the usual suspects but somehow something wasn't quite right?
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Who was this blonde bombshell, she knew me?
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We sat down for dinner at eight. Billy, the poor girl, was struggling with the no smoking ban, miming the act of sucking on a fag helped her though. <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Burton</st1:place></st1:city> had spotted a freshly ironed shirt being worn by a chap at the other end of the table. He couldn't take his eyes off it.....
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Aidan did his by now famous impression of a zombie, Kevin was a little unsure about it......
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A little later the mystery blonde posed for a picture with <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Burton</st1:city></st1:place> while he mimed sucking on a big Cuban......
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Then all of a sudden Chris The Fat Twat spotted Tuned In, the man he'd been after. He presented him with a ticket to next years Hograost for all the support he'd drummed up for it this year.....
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The Civil One told us how many times hed been naked with a man, we were impressed....
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Wizard led a short sermon on walking on water and how to cross the red sea. We weren't impressed......
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Then it all got strange again, Wizard started talking German and saluting at everyone....
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<st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Burton</st1:place></st1:city> pulled the mystery blonde.....
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So did HRH Oonyack.........
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She then decided to reveal herself. feck me if it wasn't Forry in drag. I thought I'd recognised the accent but just couldn't place it.....
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The night went on. Things got stranger. I retired to bed tired and emotional. The next day we got up and rode to the other side of <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Ireland</st1:place></st1:country-region> and found this hotel.......
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It had the goat with the hypnotic eyes which meant our weekend trip was complete.....
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Smashing, lovely, great.


:aidan
 
Great report and this is such a top photo :thumb2

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What a complete knobber :)
 
When Bakerman heard about Tuned winning the wristband for next year's Hograost...

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...he phoned me up asking if he could pinch my Clans Logo idea for his stickers. He's using this image for Hograost 2008. You might well wonder what this has to do with a hog roast...

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A: It's Two Fecking Deer...

:) :) :thumb2
 
Oops...

Forgot to say: Nice photos and great narrative, Kev :thumb2
 
Haven't laughed as much for a long time:clap :clap :clap :clap

I quite fancied that one with the long blonde hair and black t-shirt, would you have a contact no. for him:kissy2
 
Nice photos and great narrative, Kev :thumb2

Seconded. :thumb2 (But Kev's stuff is always amongst the best, almost worth a whip-round to send him away. Almost I said. ;) ).
 
I came, i read, and i looked at the pretty pictures..

Nothing but disappointment, and throughly disillusioned with what i saw.

Not one person had made an effort, yet it was all so simple. I thought more of the assembled throng and the varied skills amongst them.

It's come to sorry state where a person/persons, have missed a golden opportunity, neigh, it's sheer lack of thought to fullfill other tossers lives, for those unfortunately unable to attend this casual convergence.

I can't be the only one, not just me ?, who's desperately searched every Achill thread and came away deflated, my laughing bladder punctured before it could even fully inflate ( it had gained some pressure just by the thinking of the comic potential consequence of the occasion).

Now i'm to be destained to a miserable weekend, as soggy as a kebab in Tewksbury.

I can only assume there must have been secret discussions, and mention of withholding images or bringing the assembled tossers into disrepute, along the lines of past "club incidents".

Now i'm afraid i've no choice, but to hold you all in abject contempt.

Unless I hear otherwise, and receive evidence to the contrary, I’m afraid I have to level accusations of there being a “clique” cover up.


Someone must have a picture in full glorious technicolour of Whatton in his new santa red stitch.
 
Funny enough I can't seem to remeber seeing him wearing it, he carried it arround now and then and I saw it left in corners but that was it.

Closest thing I have on file is this picture taken on the Saturday road ride. :aidan

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